V-DayFunny email from @mensfraternity Group I attend at my kid’s school:

As we are working on the Quest for Authentic Manhood, we thought we’d provide some helpful Valentine’s Day tips straight from the Authentic Research for Man’s Operational Understanding of Relationships (ARMOUR).  So strap on your ARMOUR for maximum protection this Friday.

  1. With the warm temperatures this past weekend, you might have been tempted to think that dandelions are flowers. Scientifically speaking, they are; romantically speaking, they’re Kryponite there Superman. Get roses.
  2. Per #1, roses come in bulk at Costco.
  3. Cubic zirconium may look just like a diamond to the untrained (aka, male) eye. You already know your wife has x-ray vision, are you really going to test this one?
  4. Hockey is on the Olympic schedule for Friday, but if you don’t record the Ice Dancing from Wednesday night and watch it instead, then Hockey is ALL that will be on the schedule Friday night.
  5. Per #4, claiming an activity that requires judges to decide the winner means that it isn’t really a sport will mean that you will also get to watch even more hockey during the rest of the Olympics.
  6. The reboot of RoboCop is not a romance movie.  Seriously, it’s not.
  7. If you don’t heed #6, you may have a part in the sequel to Lone Survivor.  And since you ain’t Mark Wahlberg, you can probably infer what happens to your character.
  8. If you plan to cook for her and at any point in the process, you encounter the phrase “place the tray in the microwave,” go immediately to OpenTable.com and pray for an opening. Anywhere.
  9. Practice saying “Yes, dear.”
  10. Repeat #9 until you reach the point you actually say it in response to a co-worker’s request.
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